Because it’s my stinking attitude!!! I am the only one in charge of what I put into my life, I am the only one making a choice today of how I see my world! Once I realized this, my world was rocked! I am usually able to check my attitude at the door, being married, having a family and being blessed with having a home, these are all choices I made in this life. These choices that I made have time and time again brought me many, many days of joy.
On this one day, I was putting laundry away, and oh was I a grumbling Mama! These horrible thoughts were all in my head and in my heart, thankfully there was no one home to hear my complaints. But I did. God did. And the longer I stayed in this place, the worse it got. Why do I do this… Why is it always me…. Why don’t I ask for help… Why… why? I realized that I was not serving my husband and family like I would like to, I don’t mean just daily tasks. But to be honest, those daily tasks and chores become mundane and boring and I become lackadaisical when my attitude is not right. Laundry still needs to be done, dishes still need to be done, my family needs groceries and dinner, regardless if I want to do it or not. I was being simply selfish, I had a stinky attitude and not only did I not find any joy in the tasks I was doing, I was not looking for a solution. I can imagine that this could’ve gotten a lot worse than it did. I was over reacting I am sure… each of my family members has chores and expectations that they do for all of our well being, and the running of our house. But at that moment… it wasn’t enough for me.
Then it just came to me (thank you Lord!) that it was ME and my heart that needed a reboot, a change and not the actions of my family. I prayed for awhile that day, to restore my desire of service and caretaking for my family. My prayer was to heal my bitter attitude and my heart being in the wrong place. That He would grant me the opportunity to glorify Him with my life and daily actions. Guess what? He did! Because I asked…because I humbly came to Him, searching for a solution to my stinky attitude.
Ready to take my lessons and move on, right off this icky road of it all being about me! As I went through my day, taking care of all my Mom/Wife stuff to do, I was just thinking about this being the daily tasks in life that I was unhappy about, I then realized I had become rough around the edges in a lot of areas. Conviction of wrong doing, some call it guilt, I call it the Holy Spirit talking to me, showing me where I am able to grow and helping me to be a better person.
Now I prefer to live in a world and family that knows with all their being that I love and care for them, that I am a great listener to hear their day and triumphs, to be a solution creator to life challenges, that I am their best cheerleader, rooting them on in the good things and the challenging ones too.. I choose to be the one in the lives of those I love and care about to speak love into their lives, to be encouraging and to hold accountable to the goals that they had set. But gradually I had moved off this road… me… not someone else driving my life.. it was simply a choice that I was choosing to no longer listen to. What a wonderful wake up call! Best part, I had already been on this path once before, it was familiar and a very wonderful place to get back to. Yep, Laundry still needs to be done, dishes still need to be done, my family needs groceries and dinner but today I choose to do these things with the right attitude and the right heart. I am once again reminded why I am Joyful By Choice, and saved by Grace.