You can pick your friends but not your family. A family tree is only as strong as the roots that make it stand firm. If your tree isn't green and growing, it may be dead and dying. I have come to my own conclusion that each one of us holds a dark secret of family in the closet called life. To be honest, I don't believe I have met a person in my life that doesn't have a story of something funky in their family life. My experience has been that people try to hide these stories or be so embarrassed about them, it becomes part of their own life. I have a firm belief that what goes on in the life of another does not define who you are!
As I get older I have found more people in my life that didn't have the greatest of childhoods. Or the greatest of family influence, and sometimes have had a horrible experience with life right up until that decision that they personally made to change it all. It really is a choice of what you do with your life and all that has happened in it. I believe in God and make no excuses for what path He may have put me on, He knows all that I have been through and all that I will go through, He knows everything about you too! My childhood path hasn't been easy, and it surely hasn't been the best, but He stands firm with me and my Faith in Him has not faltered and has grown stronger the longer I understand this. Now as I understand more, forgive more of myself, forginving those that have hurt me and let go more, I am able to actually use my life and what I have been through to help others through what's going on in their lives. To allow people the freedom to let go of what garbage is not theirs, and to help those with garbage to leave it buried and gone and to not go digging it up again and again. It's not their stuff to carry, not their burden to hold, not their trash to uncover and hold onto in this beautiful life. The baggage of another persons life does not define you, your life or your future. This life we have been given is a blessing, every day… And each day is new, your life could reflect all that is in your control to be good!
It's not easy to let go of what God put in your life as family, but sometimes you may need to. This statement doesn't come lightly to me or to dear friends of mine. There are some really messed up people in this world that we live in and sometimes this may be your spouse, parent or sibling, aunt or uncle, even grandparents or to a parents broken heart; their own child. It may be drugs, alcohol, crime or abuse that this person is influencing on your life..
The Bible tell me in 2Tim 3:1-8 that these people will be in my life, sometime, someway, someday maybe today. It also tells me to avoid such people. Basically to not allow them to have power over my life.
So my life choice to not be in the influence of these people in my life, is simply to not allow them the power of influence in my life or the lives of my family, and NO it doesn't matter who they are in my life.. Sounds harsh I know or impossible to some because of the family ties are ingrained and feel as if they are unbreakable.
The Bible also tells me to love them as well, to be a good influence, to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. It's a balance.
I can now love my enemy and still protect myself from taking on their negativity or actions in my life. But while I was healing from my past and my very own stuff… working on getting rid of the trash in my life, I protected myself. Cautious of whom I would allow into my life or the lives of my family.
But it is and can be, if it is what is right for you.. For me I decided to let this all go. But to create a family of my own, of like minded people that will love me and protect me and allow me to be the best me I can be. This family grows and prospers and heals us from wounds from the past. We may have doubts and difficulties but these relationships grow and stretch just like a family unit, but in my opinion stronger and bound by choice and love of a decision that we are family by choice.
That perfect extended family… A new family by choice.